The Adventures of Ferret Boy and Weasel Girl
by Tiny Q
Summary: They thought it would be easy: snatch some rich kid and get the ransom. Sadly they snatched Draco, and, for some reason, an adventure-starved Ginny is along for the ride. They have no idea that hell is what they have just signed up for... D/G
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Adventures of Ferret Boy and Weasel Girl

Author: Tiny Q

E-Mail: one_legged_lesbian_seagull@hotmail.com

A/N: Well, I have had this idea for quite a while, but I sort of forgot about it.  Then I was going through one of my scribblers (I used to write everything out before I got my laptop) and I found my first two attempts.  So this is my third.  I was initially thinking of turning it into a comic, but I am using another idea for that.  Hopefully I will get that done soon and get it up on my site.  Anyhoo, I'm not too too pleased with this, but it's mildly entertaining in a cheesy unrealistic way.  

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  Any references to things that sound like they are from something else most likely are...

**The Adventures of Ferret Boy and Weasel Girl******

**Chapter 1**

**Of Lava and Caterpillars**

~*~

The thought it would be easy: snatch some rich kid and get the ransom. Sadly they snatched Draco and an adventure starved Ginny is along for the ride. They have no idea the hell they have just gotten themselves into...

~*~

            'You can't afford to toddle, girl,' Ginny thought to herself in urgency as she scurried over the bridge.  It was one of those ones made from vines and other jungle vegetation.  And of course it was swinging above a river of deadly lava.  She tried not to look down on it, but it was rather difficult seeing as there were many gaps in the bridge.  If she didn't look down on them she might very well fall through.

            She twisted about and looked behind her, swearing that they were hunting her down and that any moment their arrows would pierce her back and she would fall to her death.  Or at least fall until she managed to grab onto a conveniently placed hanging vine and swing herself up to beat them with her excessively fine fighting skills.  And the arrows?  Well, the heroine never dies in an action movie.

            Ginny came to an abrupt stop however, seeing the monster that barred her path.  It was long and furry, with too many legs to be natural.  She frowned at it, weighing her options as to how she could get around the beast without wasting an excessive amount of time.  Then it occurred to her: she would just have to jump over it.  

            Flinging her arms out for balance and making sure her side bag was safely tucked behind her back, she leapt, trying to pull off the sort of landing the vampire had done.  Unfortunately for Ginny however, she didn't quite have the balance of the undead.  Not to mention the wire system.  To make a long story short, Ginny fell of the wall.

            Ok, so she wasn't really on a bridge miles above a river of lava.  Nor was she running from the "they" that were hunting for her.  They were squirrels by the way.  She had seen them in the trees when she had balanced her way past.  And the monster?  A caterpillar.  

            Ginny let out an "oof" as her bum connected with the cobblestones that made up the sidewalk that ran along the wall.  She was about to get up and collect her belongings that had spewed their way out of her precious side bag, but never got the chance as laughter filled her ear drums.

            "That was _the most pathetic thing I have _ever_ seen, Weasley!"  _

            Looking around with a sudden feeling of dread, Ginny spotted the one and only Draco Malfoy leaning against the wall she had just ungracefully, and painfully I might add, fallen off of.  She glared at him, wondering just how he came to be in Muggle London, dressed in Muggle clothing no less.  And was that a Gap bag in his hand?  Yes, by Merlin it was!

            "Obviously you haven't looked in a mirror recently then," she grumbled at him, pulling herself up off the ground, causing her sore bum to stick up in the air in the process.  This only caused the blonde before her to laugh even harder.  A feat she never thought he would be capable of.  Yet it happened none the less.

            Brushing off her short plaid skirt and straitening her grey fleece hoody, dislodging one of the zippers from her orange bra strap in the process, and finally tugging the black tank top back into proper place so half of her knickers weren't showing, she glared at him.  And may I add that a Weasley has a very threatening glare.  Especially the females of the lot.  Malfoy's peels of laughter slowly died until he was simply smirking at her and her arms that were placed firmly on her hips.  

            "And why are you holding a bag from a _Muggle_ store, Mr. I-Don't-Like-Muggles-Cause-Daddy-Says-They're-Bad?" she sneered, stooping down and gathering her bag into her arms.  She then proceeded to stuff her life that had fallen out of the bag into its rightful place.  But as she squatted about close to the ground she began to realize that something was missing.  The most important object there was.

            "Raiders of the Lost Arc?" she heard the blonde's cold voice drawl and Ginny's head snapped up in horror.  He had her DVD!  "What kind of crap is this?"

            Her eyes widened.  Movies were her only escape.  Her only means to find adventure.  Ever since that incident in her fourth year in which she broke her ankle trying to save Sirius, the one who didn't really need saving, her mum had been even more protective of her.  So much so that when she was waiting for her ankle to heal she wasn't even aloud to leave the house!  Not even to watch the twins toss the Lawn Gnomes over the fence.  Because no, poor baby Ginny couldn't defend herself.  Not in the slightest.  And that was why Hermione brought her the DVD player.  

            Her parents had gotten it for her, but she didn't have use for it so she had given it to Ginny, who had the television her father had acquired the month before to her disposal.  Her dear old man never had the time to take it apart so Ginny had adopted it before he got a day off and attempted the terrible job.  

            Well, to make an excessively long story short, Ginny fell in love with movies.  Especially action movies.  Or adventure movies.  Or even comedies.  But adventure were by far her favorites.  Especially Indiana Jones.  Not only was the man rather cute, he got to do all sorts of fun stuff!  Like fly planes and run from snakes and giant rolling balls of stone.  It was her one true ambition in life, to live a life like that.  Oh, how she envied her brother Bill.  She was sure he got to do all the sorts of things Indiana got to do in his job.  Or at least he did until he took that desk job with Miss. Fleur.  

            But back to the story at hand however, Ginny was glaring at Draco.  And it was one of those evil Weasley female glares as I mentioned before.  

            "Give me my movie," she growled, holding out her hand.  "And it's not crap.  It's one of the best movies there is."  She glared harder.  She had just brought back Underworld and she had decided to once again rent Indiana's first movie.  It was just so great, but if that Slytherin wrecked it with his evil, filthy hands...

            "I'm sure it is," he drawled raising an eyebrow and reading what it said on the back.  "It sure sounds like a winner to me."  Then, without so much as glancing at her, he tossed the movie at her.  

            Her heart stopping, she reached out and caught it, much to her own surprise.  You see, Ginny's a little on the clumsy side.  Ok, she's a klutz.  But you probably deduced this by her little stunt of falling off the wall.  But yes, she caught the movie!  And she was about to do a little happy dance, but something made her stop.  Something that she didn't so much like the looks of.  Not in the slightest.

            Stuffing her movie into her bag, she took a step closer to the Slytherin before her, causing him to frown at her.  Gesturing with her eyes towards the black van that was slowly coming to a stop before them, she took another step closer.  She wasn't quite sure as to what her family's enemy could do, but she was getting the feeling that she would rather be beside him that be by herself.  

~*~

            Draco stared at the red head as though she had lost her mind.  But then he suspected that she never had one so it wasn't that great of a loss.  But regardless, she was coming towards him with her hair shorter than his and dressed like an utter fool.  Unlike himself, as he was dressed in only the best Muggle attire there was.  Well the best that he could find without raising too much suspicion on his part.  Wouldn't want Daddy to be all made in his jail cell, now would we?

            "Scared Weasel?" he sneered, now staring at the van as well.  It was a little odd, now that he thought about it.  He found himself taking a step back despite himself and the red headed ditz before him followed.  But then really, who wouldn't do just that?

            Suddenly the van came to a stop and the side door side back, revealing three people wearing black balaclavas.  They leaped out in a lightning quick fashion, holding odd black things that looked a little like ninety degree wands.  Draco found himself frowning and he heard the girl beside him gasp and step even closer to him as the three men effectively surrounded them.  

            "Isn't it a little warm out to be wearing those?" he frowned, glaring at them.  He wasn't about to be intimidated by some ridiculous looking Muggles, even if they him them surrounded and they were bigger than him.  And fatter in some cases, but that wasn't hard to be.  Yet give them a wand and then he might give them the benefit of the doubt, but until then, don't waste his time.

            "Malfoy," Ginny said slowly in a very quite voice.  She sounded extremely nervous and her eyes were flicking around like a daft animal in a cage.  It made Draco begin to think that maybe there really was something to worry about, even if they were just Muggles.  But the arrogant Malfoy in him told the nervous part to shove off.  What could some Muggle do anyways?  "Don't be stupid."

            "Their just Muggles," he sneered back, expressing his mind.  Well, he had been brought up that way after all.  Even if his father was no longer around him everyday, he still held some of his values.  Others had fallen away however.  But that didn't stop him from shooting a nasty sneer at the three men around him, who all seemed a little put out by his lack of decent fear.  

            "You sure this is the kid?" one of them suddenly asked.  He was the shortest of the lot and a little round in the midsection. 

            "The hair's a dead give away," another said.  This one was very tall.  Almost like a pole.  "And besides, he's as arrogant as he should be."  The man hoisted the odd wand thing in his hand a little higher, as though to make sure Draco saw it.  Draco felt the Weasley tremble beside him.   

            "Alright," the shortest replied, then turned and frowned at Draco and Ginny from underneath his black mask.  "We're going to kidnap you kid."  Draco snorted and so did the others of his apparent kidnapping clan.  "Shut up," he snapped at them.  Then he turned back to Draco.  "And I guess your girlfriend too."

            "She's not my-"  But Draco never got to finish his sentence as Ginny had pulled his head down towards hers with trembling hands and kissed him firmly on the lips.  

            Draco felt his head spin.  He also felt ripples of excitement travel through his body like he had never flet before.  It was like he was being electrified.  He had never experienced anything like this when he had kissed other girls.  And he had had experience with quite a few, I might add.  But just as he began to snake his arms about her waist and was about to kiss her back, the girl pulled away and turned to the other men that were now just standing there.  

            "It's supposed to be a secret," she said in an earnest voice.  She was still leaning against him and Draco found himself pulling the girl closer to him.  It was then, and only then, that the pesky little Slytherin voice began to tell him that what he was doing was a horrendous insult to Slytherin/Gryffindor relations.  He told it to screw itself.

            Her words seemed to make his, well apparently their, proposed kidnapers laugh however.  

            "Get 'em both," a medium sized man, standing at the back of the circle, said with a lazy voice.

            With that quick movement the men had displayed before, Draco discovered that he was being restrained by the tallest of the men.  Glancing over he saw the red head being held in much the same fashion by the fatter one.  Yet she seemed to be putting up a better fight than he was.

            "Get your filthy hands off me you Muggle trash," he hissed at the man who stood behind him, struggling to get Draco into the van.  They were having to wait a bit though because Weasley had braced both her legs on the opening of the van doors, bracing her back against her captor.  He was sure the girl would have been screaming bloody murder if it hadn't been for the fact that there was a fat hand over her mouth.

            "Muggle?" the medium sized man scoffed.  "Is that some sort of new teen slang?"  He then proceeded to drop his fist forcefully on the stomach of the struggling red head.  Draco could hear her breath escape from where he was standing and saw her legs drop.  A moment later she was stuffed into the back of the van, where he went next.  The door slammed shut and the van sped off to who knows where.

            "My father will hear about this," Draco hissed as the men bound their ankles and legs with heavy rope then tossed them to the ground.  He heard the girl hiss.

            "We're counting on it," the medium sized one sneered at him, then turned back to the driver.  

            He glanced over to the girl beside him and took a double take.  She was glaring at him.

            "What?" he demanded in a cranky voice.  Well, you would be cranky as well if you were him.  This whole kidnapping business was a total drag on his ego.

            "Some hero you turned out to be," she hissed at him, glaring through her now effectively messed up hair, clips hanging in odd place and one swinging before her eyes.  "You're supposed to beat the crap out of the bad guys, not allow yourself to be captured without a fight.  You didn't even let them knock you unconscious before they got you in here!"  She let out a hiss of breath.  "I am going to kill you when I get my hands free."

            Draco got the feeling that the girl was telling the truth.  And this scared him more than it sanely should have.

~*~

A/N: Well there you go.  Not quite sure if I am too happy with kidnapping scene.  It seems a bit too drawn out and people would get suspicious really, but there's no helping it.  So should I continue?  Smash or trash?


	2. Reading Glasses

Title: The Adventures of Ferret Boy and Weasel Girl

Author: Tiny Q

E-Mail: one_legged_lesbian_seagull@hotmail.com

A/N: Wow!  Such a large cry for smash.  I was quite happy really, so thank you everyone!  Sorry this took me so long to get out though.  I have been working on a few too many things at once and it just isn't good.  But it's here!  I have a feeling that it isn't in quite the same writing style as before, but I couldn't figure out why.  Maybe one of you could enlighten me?  Anyhoo, I'll just stop rambling and let you read...

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.  NOTHING!  Mwa ha ha ha!

**The Adventures of Ferret Boy and Weasel Girl******

**Chapter 2**

**Reading Glasses**

~*~

            Ginny awoke with the feeling that her head had been rammed into something.  It had been a very hard something.  She would have to make a point of remembering that guns really did make an effective utensil to knock a person unconscious when applied to the back of the head.  And that they also left nasty headaches.

            Slowly rolling her head upright, she looked around her surroundings.  She was apparently sitting in a grayish-white room that had very little in it.  Well, with the exception of the two chairs, one of which she was tied to.  Looking up she could see a large verity of pipes and vents that had been painted the same grayish color as the walls.  Her eyes drifting down she noticed a set of five windows that rose about four feet into the air, crisscrossed by the metal strips that held the panes in place.  All she could see out of them was cloud and sky.  They were high in the building then.

            Twisting her head back, she saw a tuft of blonde hair behind her.  So, she wasn't the only captive, but then, why would anyone really want to kidnap her anyway?  She frowned.  Yet here she was, a captive nonetheless.  And it was all the stupid ferret's fault.  He was the one who was supposed to play the hero.  Not just let them be kidnapped.  It was disgraceful.  So much for the unsung hero theory.

            She shifted in her seat a touch then something struck her mind.  She wasn't just any captive now.  No, she was not just a kidnapped teenage girl.  She was being held by Nazis.  Nazis who wanted her father's diary so they could find the Holy Grail.  And now all she had to do was get her failed savior to grab her lighter and attempt to burn through the ropes.  

            But her lighter was in her side bag, not her pocket, seeing as she had none to keep anything in.  Her treasure was also in her wonderful bag.  With a feeling in her stomach like a rock had just plummeted through it, Ginny looked about the empty room for her side bag.  She didn't know what she would do if she didn't have her side bag.  It had everything she needed to have an adventure, though she never really had a chance to try much of it out.  But it figured, her first real adventure, well since she began to crave them, and her bag was missing.

            Then Ginny's eyes fell to a spot on the floor near a set of double doors across from the multiple windows.  It was her bag, sitting there in all its splendor, along with two wands, but who cared about those when her bag was safe?  She let out a sigh of relief.  Now all she had to do was wake up the blonde behind her and get over there.  Then they could get themselves out of the ropes, which were really a bit on the tight side.  Did they want to give her rope burn?  

            "Malfoy," she hissed, jerking her butt a bit so as to move her chair and jog him into the real world.  "Malfoy, are you awake?"

            No response.

            "Apparently not," she sighed to herself then snapped her head back.  There was a loud "bonk" as her head collided with the older boy's skull.  She heard a startled "gah".  "Are you awake now?" she asked him, her head beginning to hurt even more than before.  It never seemed to hurt that much in the movies.  She would have to make a note of that as well apparently.

            "Weasley?" she heard him sputter.  "What the hell was that for?!"

            "I had to wake you up, didn't I?" she said as sweetly as she could.

            "Couldn't think of another way that didn't involve my skull fracturing?" he hissed, turning his head to glare at her.  She grinned back at him, trying to ignore the pounding sounds in her head.  How she loathed headaches.  "No, I suppose you couldn't could you?"

            "Oh I could," she replied, looking away now and back to her lovely bag.  If only she could get to her bag.  "But I didn't feel like using them."

            "Of course not," he sneered, turning away as well.  He looked about the room, and she could imagine the scowl on his face.  "Where the hell are we?"

            "I don't know," she replied with a shrug and she heard him groan.

            "Great," he hissed.  "Not only have I been kidnapped, by Muggles of all things, I've been kidnapped with a Weasley.  And not just any Weasley either, the stupidest one of the lot!"  

            "Hey!" Ginny snapped, turning her head to glare at him with the Weasley glare.  Unfortunately it wasn't quite as effective as it should have been due to the fact that she couldn't face him properly.  "I would watch who you are calling stupid, stupid.  Now I don't feel like sharing my escape plan with you."  

            "Your escape plan?" he scoffed.  "You actually expect me to believe that you could come up with a decent escape plan?  I'll figure a way out of this on my own."

            "Fine," she replied.  "I didn't want to share it with you anyway."  As if to prove her point, Ginny turned her head and stared at the wall, humming something under her breath.  As if to prove his own point, the blonde began to struggle against his ropes.

            Ginny sat there, continuing her humming, ignoring the boy.  She knew he wouldn't get out by just wiggling around.  That never happened in movies.  Ever.  And if it did it was a really bad movie.  She also knew that what she was doing was a childish way of getting what she wanted, but she was the youngest member of her family.  If she couldn't push her status, then she would never get anything she wanted.  And it wasn't like the ferret behind her never did the same thing with only child status.

            After a few minutes, which were filled with the sounds of the boy trying to escape from his ropes, everything went silent.  He was sulking now, realizing that he truly couldn't get out of the ropes in a mundane way.  She grinned slightly, but continued to hum.  More silence.

            "Alright!" he finally burst out after another ten minutes had passed, causing Ginny to smirk farther.  They always snapped, it was just a matter of how long it took.  "What's your stupid plan?"

            "Well," she began, squirming with anticipation.  If there was one thing that she loved more than her action films it was talking about these aforementioned films.  "This is just like in 'The Last Crusade' when they are all tied up like this and have to escape-"

            "In English please?" Malfoy sneered, causing her to frown.

            "What they did was get a lighter and burned through the ropes," she stated simply, smiling at her own ingeniousness.

            "And where do you propose we get this lighter from?" he practically snarled in exasperation.  "I certainly don't have one and I don't seem to have my wand either."

            "That's because it's over there by the wall, with my bag," she said, nodding her head in the general direction of the objects.  "My lighter is in my bag."

            Malfoy stared at them.  "What kind of idiot kidnapers do we have?" he sneered, causing Ginny to look at the objects.  "Why would they put our belongings in the same room as us?"

            Now that she thought about it, Ginny realized that he had a point.  They definitely didn't do that in the movies.  Perhaps these captors of theirs were not their typical movie type captors.  Yet whether this was a good sign or a bad one she wasn't quite sure.  But she was sure she would figure it out sooner or later.  

            "Doesn't matter, but we need to get over there," she said with a shrug.  

            "And how do you propose we do that, Weasel?" he snarled, glaring at her as she stared at her side bag.  She ignored him.

            "We both jump at the same time in our chairs and make them move to the right."  She frowned.  "Well, your left I suppose."  She paused.  "And when we reach them we can fish out my lighter, burn through the ropes, gather our belongings and shimmy down the drainpipes outside the window."

            "I am not shimmying down anything," Malfoy drawled.

            "Fine, I'll shimmy you jump.  Happy?" she snapped, glancing around.  "Now on the count of three, jump and tilt to your left."  At his silence Ginny began to count.  "One, Two-"

            Three never came as the door opened and the three balaclava-wearing men from before entered the room.  Ginny turned as far as she could to see them.  They had a microphone in their hands.  And large grins on their faces, or at least that was what she thought they were doing.  She began to get the feeling that something was off about them, even for Muggles.

~*~

            Draco turned his head and watched the three men walk into the room.  He was beginning to think that their masks were the trademark of stupidity.  Seriously, who wears a mask used for minus twenty-five degree weather in the middle of summer?  Well, they obviously did which seemed to prove his point.

            His eyes drifted from their covered faces to their hands, where the man in the lead was holding something.  Draco narrowed his eyes at it, shifting under his constraints.  It looked like a silver ball attached to a stick.  There was a wire of some sort attached to the stick which wound about and led to a box, which the tall man was carrying.

            "What the hell is that?" he quietly asked the Weasley behind him.  She was a valid person to ask, seeing as her and her family were Muggle lovers.  Muggle lovers had to know about Muggles themselves.  He was not disappointed.

            "It's a Muggle recording device," the red head replied under her breath.  "It records your voice."  She paused.  "And it's a rather old model.  They don't usually use the microphones like that anymore."

            "Oh," he said flatly.  What did he care, after all, about the up-to-dateness of Muggles.  Never mind the fact if he was involved with them in anyway or not.  And he certainly didn't care what they had.  As long as it didn't cause him any physical pain, of course.

            "Ok Kid," the fatter one began, coming to a stop in front of him.  The name "kid" was really beginning to grate on Draco's nerves, and for good reason too as far as I am concerned.  "I want you to read this for us.  And if you don't, your little girlfriend here is going to be a few fingers short of ten."  The other two chuckled at this.

            "People only have eight fingers," he corrected the man, staring up at him defiantly.  "And it's not like-"  Ginny jerked in her chair, showing her discontent at what he was intending to say.  Draco resisted the urge to roll his eyes.  "Fine," he snapped, more at her than anyone else.  "What do I have to read?"

            The man to his left reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper.  He smoothed it out then placed it on Draco's lap with a sneer.  Draco looked down on the scribbled words, scanning over the poorly written work that was haphazardly hanging on the faint blue lines.  He sneered at it.  If this was their idea of a ransom note then they were no better than Hufflepuffs.

            "I can't read this," he scoffed, shifting his leg, trying to knock it off.  It was a rather difficult task with his ankle tied painfully to the leg of the chair he was sitting on.  He sneered up at the fat man.  There was no way he was going to read something that made him sound like that.  The description "sniveling baby" was even too gracious a term.

            "What?" the tallest member of the trio asked in confusion.  Draco turned his attention to him.  "I thought all you rich kids were smart."  He heard the Weasley giggle.  He would punish her for that when he had his hands free.  Perhaps he would make her kiss him again.  No.  That would be a punishment for both of them.  Or at least, that was what the Slytherin part of him was saying.  He told it to choke and die.

            "I can _read," he sneered spitefully, glaring at the man.  "But I can't see the words."  At his blank stare he elaborated.  "I don't have my glasses."  Total bull it was true.  How else could he have discovered what trash the girl watched or made his way around London earlier that day?  _

            "So," the quieter of the three snapped from behind them.  "Squint."

            Smirking internally, Draco squinted down on the page resting on his lap.  He had a feeling he was about to enjoy this immensely.  "Father, I am treeing helm asparagus... mice wine."  He squinted further, not showing his amusement in the slightest.  "What kind of dung is this?"

            The fat one snatched the page away, scowling furiously.  "It says: Father, I am being held against my will," he snarled, glaring at Draco.  The red head behind him was shaking slightly.  It took him a moment before he realized it was with mirth.  He wanted so much to join her, but at the moment he was rather caught up in whatever this exchange could be called.

            "Do we have any bigger paper?" the quiet one asked, glaring at the other two.

            "I don't think so Jeff," the tall one began.

            "Don't use my name, you git," he hissed, glaring further.  Draco smirked at this.  So, his name was Jeff.  Seemed that perhaps their stupidity went even further than that of the Weasley behind him.  But then, that was a pretty big assumption to make.  

            "Sorry," the other mumbled, dropping his gaze to the girl behind him.  After a moment a leer crossed onto his features.  

            "Just go find something," Jeff sneered at him.  A moment later the man was scampering off back through the door.  Draco stared longingly at his wand.  It probably wasn't the smartest of things to have done for the man named Jeff followed his gaze.

            "Interesting items you kids carry around in your pockets these days," he said casually as he waked over to their wands and picked them up.  The man looked down on the one in his right hand, Draco's, with mild interest, turning it about and approaching Draco and the Weasley.  "What purpose do these sticks have?"  He waved it at Draco.  

            No sparks flew from the tip as it would have if Draco had done the exact same gesture.  He sneered at the man.  Muggles really were pathetic as his father had always told him.  Not an ounce of magic in them.  Now if only he could get his hands on his wand.  He would then proceed to transfigure these magic rejects into animals.  Well, perhaps the fat one would make a good footstool, but that was beside the point.

            "I don't see how it has anything to do with you," Draco sneered at him, looking pointedly at his face.  The man had sharp brown eyes that were nothing special at all.  The eyes then turned to the other occupant of the room that was tied to a chair.  "Do you know girl?" he asked her, walking around the two to face her.  Draco turned with him.  "What they are for?"

            "She had one too, boss," the fat one informed, but was seemingly ignored.

            "Well, do you?"  He was staring down on her and Draco could feel her shaking again.  He couldn't believe the cowardice of the girl.  All talk no balls.  Not that it would be a pleasant thought to think of a female Weasley with balls.  Though it did have some merit in explaining a few things.

            "No," she replied simply.

            "Of course not," the man sneered.

            "If I told you we were part of an elaborate cult that uses wands and magic, would that make you feel better?" she sneered at him then, and Draco felt slightly taken aback by her casual exposure to their world.  What a nice way to get yourself a fine with the Ministry.  And it wasn't like the Weasleys had the money to pay for it.

            Suddenly, and quite inconspicuously, an idea struck Draco like a brick.  All he had to do to get out of here was attract the Ministry's attention and then they would remove them from these pathetic Muggle's hands.  Now all he had to do was get his hand on his wand.  Then he could begin practicing his transfiguration.

            "Not in the slightest," he sneered in response, opening his mouth to say more.  He never quite got the chance to say anything more though, for the door opened once more.  The tall one had returned carrying scraps of boxes.  

            "This was all I could find," he huffed, dropping them to the ground.  "But I think they will work just as well."  He then reached into his pocket and pulled some sort of tube and dropped it onto the pile as well.

            "Fine.  Start writing."  With a nod the man dropped to his knees, pulling the tube apart and began to scribble on the boards.  After a bit the fat one dropped the letter down beside him which he took and began to copy out in large letters.  Well, at least he had wasted some of their time, which seemed to be the only thing he could do to them at the moment.  But when he got his hands free and his wand back...

            "Done," the tall one replied after a few minutes, and both Draco and the Weasley looked at him.  

            "Good," the fat one said, shoving the ball and stick under Draco's nose.  "Now, read the words kid."

            Draco stared at the words that the tall one had scribbled out on the board and was holding before his face.  He picked up the poor grammar and spelling mistakes and as if it was in his nature, which it probably was, and he sneered at them.  

            "Read," Jeff hissed, now clutching both wands in one hand, his other now holding one of those odd Muggle wands.  The Weasley gasped at its appearance.  

            With a sigh of annoyance Draco glared at the words.  "Father," he began to drawl, speaking for all respects as if he were dictating a postcard to be sent from some tropical resort.  "I am being held against my will.  The men holding me and my girlfriend have not harmed us, but they say they will if you don't hand over the ransom they ask for."

            And so the monologue went on and on.  If ransom notes were ever graded he was sure that that one would receive a poor at best.  Wasn't the idea to keep those things short and to the point, not put the guardian to sleep?  It was the last part, however, that really caught at his attention.

            "Your son, Thomas."  He heard the Weasley's surprised utterance and swatted at her with his hands to try and keep her quiet.  So, the idiots thought that he was someone else.  That he was some Muggle rich kid snob.  Well, they had one part right he supposed.  He was rich.  But he was certainly not Muggle.  He glared at them ruefully.

            "Excellent," Jeff drawled, pocketing their wands with a smirk.  "What?  You didn't think I would leave these here, did you?"  He chuckled softly.  "We'll just go send this tape to daddy dearest and wait for his response."  He turned on his heel and walked out the door without a second glance.  

            "Hopefully he doesn't reply quickly," the tall one said sardonically, once again leering at the girl behind him.  Then he, along with the fat one, strode out of the room.  Silence rang.

            "Ewww," the Weasley finally moaned, making Draco try to look at her with a sneer.  It hadn't been a cake walk for his either, after all.  Silence once more.  Then something seemed to occur to her, or that was what Draco assumed had happened.  "He thinks you're someone else.  I was kidnapped because of some twisted case of mistaken identity!  Great."

            "And they took our wands," he pointed out, glaring at the door now.  "So I suggest we try this stupid plan of yours so we can get out of here before they realize that I'm not who they think I am and decide to do something stupid."

            "Fine," the girl huffed, shifting once more.  "On three.  One, two, three!"  

            At that moment they both jumped in their ropes, trying to move their chair as they went, only to send them crashing to the ground.

            "Ow," the Weasley groaned, and Draco felt inclined to agree with her.

~*~

A/N: Well, there you go.  Mistaken identity and some more stupidity.  Don't know how long it will take to get the next chapter out.  Working eight fics at once seems to slow them all down.  Bah.  But I think next chapter we will have an attempted escape and perhaps a few lose calls, from more than one context, if you catch my drift...

Many thanks to: **alenchic, sabacat, Breanna**(oh, I hope it isn't. I don't like it that much)**, Mizgeorgiapeach, SkysTheLimit**(Great. Another stalker. You guys are really starting to piss me off with all your staring and stalkyness. Poop on you all! :D)**, P**(Hmm, you never know)**, Painted Dragon, Erisinia Gazelle(Oh, nice. Whip me then say please? JK)**, tulzdavampslayer**(Smash the several what? Oh, you amuse me dear)****, Elyse, Lallie(Oh good to hear! Yay!  Belly dancing!)****, yay, yourgrandmother, VirtualFaerie(Yay!  Sparkly confetti! ~watches with amusement~)****, angel-a, PerfectSomething, Faile6(Well, I meant a shopping bag, if it's any consolation to you)****, Hplova4eva, purus.flere and **Storm079**(Thanks again for reviewing so much of my stuff! I loves you!)****.**

Oh, and if you would like to check updates of mine of any kind (art, writing, pottery and random craziness) then please check out my LiveJournal.  You can add me if you want to too.  The URL is on my bio.  I can't link it because my computer is stupid like poop and refuses to upload URLs.  Bah.


	3. Wiggle Time!

Title: The Adventures of Ferret Boy and Weasel Girl

Author: Tiny Q

E-Mail: one legged lesbian seagull hotmail com (Please add 3 underscores, one "at" sign, and a period)

A/N: Well, I didn't get a chance to work on PaO, and since I was threatened with my life I thought that perhaps a little appeasement was in order. So here is a story that I haven't updated in over a year! Yay! Ok, not yay. I found it kicking around in my folder and decided it was time to edit it... I sort of forgot where I am going with this, but I think I have reworked it in my head, so it's all good now... I hope. Anyhoo, enjoy! And don't kill me!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All references to movies, which you think you know what they are, probably are and I don't own them either, well, except on DVD...

**The Adventures of Ferret Boy and Weasel Girl**

**  
Chapter 3**

**Wiggle Time!**

ooo

"Well, that went brilliantly," Draco sneered, trying to glare at the girl that was lying on the ground behind him. All he really managed was to glare at her annoyingly red hair. If it wasn't so short already he felt he would have had the urge to cut it all off, jut to spite it.

"Well, it's not like you had a better plan," the Weasel sneered in response, squirming about behind him. Her hand kept brushing his and it was beginning to get on his nerves.

"No, but I would have thought of one," he declared, beginning to squirm himself, if not to get out of his restraints, then to get away from her stupid flailing hands. "And it wouldn't have made my entire left side feel like it just suffered through a stroke."

"Whatever," she hissed, stopping her squirming. Draco almost sighed in relief. She didn't speak again and he did not feel inclined to break their silence. Instead he moodily lay on his side, staring at the wall. The wall, I might add, that had what was left of their belongings resting against it. To Draco it seemed so very far away. Oh how he longed for his wand. He shifted around, becoming more and more uncomfortable by the minute.

He wondered how it was possible that the Weasley was not squirming around any more, but then he heard it and it all made sense: she was humming again. It was like she was going to some damned Happy Place that took her away from everything. If Draco hadn't been who he was, a properly bread Malfoy, he might have wanted his own Happy Place. Lucky for him though, he was who he was and was above such silly things. But then he wouldn't feel quite as uncomfortable as he did in that moment.

"What now?" he finally demanded, the hard floor finally motivating him to speak. He mentally swore and kicked at himself for letting the stupid girl win out again, but he told himself to roll over and die.

"Why are you asking me?" she demanded, pausing in her humming. He felt her shift next to him and he knew she was trying to stare at him. He did not move to meet her eyes. If he couldn't beat her at the silence game, he was damned well going to rebel at anything else he got the chance at rebelling at.

"Because it was your stupid plan," he snarled, starting to squirm as his arm began to fall asleep. "And I am sure you can come up with some stupid way to get us out of this stupid predicament."

She let out a "harrumph" which Draco took to mean that she was not going to come up with a stupid solution for their stupid predicament. She shifted once more, and Draco hopped she was finding the ground as uncomfortable as he was.

"We wiggle," she finally said, catching him slightly off guard.

"Wiggle?" he asked, not quite sure he liked the sound of it. It surely did not sound like the sort of thing a Malfoy would do. Or any other self respecting human being for that matter. But then, that definitely cut the Weasleys out so it could have been very plausible that she meant what he thought she meant.

"Yes, wiggle," she confirmed, squirming about in her ropes once more. "We have to wiggle towards our stuff, and take the chairs with us."

Draco once again stared across to the wall. It seemed even farther away than it had before. He darkly cursed walls and their seemingly impossible ability to move themselves at will. Oh how he hated walls.

"Fine," he grunted, thinking that anything would be better than having to lay there on his side, attached to the stupid chair by ropes.

"Ok," the red head shrugged. "Let's wiggle." And with this said the red head began to squirm about, like some twisted worm, towards the wall. With a long suffering sigh Draco began to wiggle as well, pointedly ignoring the fact that he was ruining his clothes.

It took them a total of five minutes of wiggling before they were close enough to the wall that Draco could actually see the stitching on the girl's side bag. And may I say that it was five minutes of unnatural and rather rude sounds and comments, which I do not want to mention at this point in time. Come to think of it, any point in time. So let's all just pretend that they never happened and Ginny and Draco wiggled towards their belongings in blissful silence.

It took another three minutes to maneuver themselves so that they were facing the other way, which was a rather awkward task in Draco's case. You see, his pants kept ridding up and twisting in unfortunate places that, I believe, he would rather go unmentioned. They made it though, and soon Ginny was straining against her ropes, groping through her bag, gleeful at the prospect of it actually coming in handy during an adventure.

"Will you hurry up already?" Draco demanded. "I can't feel my hand anymore!"

"Poor baby," the red head cooed, causing Draco frowned at her. "But I am sure you are used to that sensation seeing as no one would ever want to be near you anyways."

"You're a little pervy Weasley, aren't you?" Draco sneered, feeling rather queasy at what she was hinting at. And a tiny little part, which we will be ignoring in this story from now on, was rather intrigued.

"What do you expect when I live with six older brothers?" she sighed.

"Manners?" he offered, trying to shift his weight off his arm. He suspected that the silence that greeted his ears was filled with a glare on her face, but he couldn't see it so he just ignored its probable existence. "Oh, just hurry up!"

"Got it!" she said happily, and he felt something cool and metallic brush against his hands. He would have kissed it if it would get him out of his awkward position, but that would just be odd so he decide he wouldn't. "Now, to just burn through these ropes..."

Draco heard a flick and he was suddenly aware of a very hot sensation near his fingers. It took him a moment to realize that the red head was burning him and not the robes that she was supposed to be burning.

"Hey!" he cried out, jumping slightly. "Burn the ropes! Not my bloody hand!"

"Sorry," she muttered distractedly, and he assumed that she was using all her brain power just to do her simple task. He suddenly feared as to whether or not it would be enough to complete the task properly, what if she burned his hand off by accident? He probably would have continued along this line of though if it hadn't been for the acidic scent of burning rope that met his olfactory system. The Weasley was actually managing to burn through the ropes.

In a matter of minutes Draco's hands sprung free and he busied himself with untying the rest of his ropes. Glancing over at the girl beside him, he saw her doing the same, the lighter lying forgotten between them.

"See, that wasn't so difficult," she said with a patronizing voice. Draco glared ruefully at her, massaging his sore, and rather swollen, ankles. Perhaps he would transfigure her into a footstool as well...

ooo

It took a good five minutes for the two of them to function properly once more, much to Ginny's distress. In all the movies where people got tied up for hours yet they could leap into action the moment that they were released. However, when she had tried to "leap into action" she had fallen right back down, her legs tingling painfully as the blood rushed back into them. She internally frowned; adventures were beginning to seem more and more unpractical. The movies made them all out to be so much easier and much less painful.

"So what is the next part of your stupid plan again?" Malfoy asked her, leaning against the wall while swatting at his filthy clothes.

That was another thing that bothered Ginny, adding to the ever growing pile. Her clothes had gotten dirty and nearly ruined from the wiggling. The strap on her tank top had nearly been torn off, and it wasn't from being caught on some conveniently pointed thing so she would have an excuse to show off a bit of skin. No, it had nearly been torn off just from her body wriggling against the ground and her shirt catching under it. Surely the movie makers knew that? You wriggle through anything and you are going to get filthy. Yet Ginny could only think of a handful of movie where they actually did get dirty...

"I told you," she hissed, grabbing her side bag, the one filled with everything she would need for an adventure, and throwing it on over her shoulder. Its weight reassured her that perhaps not everything that happened in the movies was going to go all wrong for her. "We have to shimmy down the drainpipes."

"And why would we be doing that when we could simply walk out these doors right here?" he drawled, gesturing towards the double doors with his pointed chin.

Ginny stared at him appalled. They never ever did that in movies! It would be too simple! There would be something on the other side like a booby trap or a poisonous snake or something equally as dreary. She told Malfoy as much and he looked at her as though he thought she was insane. Which, might I say, is very near possible at this point in time. I mean seriously, are you listening to what this girl is thinking!

"You seriously believe that those gits, the ones who kidnapped the wrong kid, are capable of anything devious or in the least bit dangerous?" he asked incredulously. Ginny scowled at him.

"Maybe it's all just an act?" she offered, though as soon as the words left her mouth she knew that it couldn't be. Bad guys were always stupider than the good guys, and they never had any aim whatsoever. How else did the good guys always come out on top? "Maybe they are just trying to lull us into a false sense of comfort?" She thought she had seen a movie where the bad guys did that. Or maybe it was just that they were pretending to be good...

"And why in all that is magical would they want to do that?" he sneered, his face twisting around into a very nasty look. Ginny glared and her hands landed on her hips. She knew she resembled her mother when she stood like that, her brothers always made sure to inform her of this when they caught her, but she didn't really care. She opened her mouth to tell the blond boy off when something on the other side of the door began to make noise. A lot of noise, come to think about it.

"Is that what I think it is?" she asked him after a moment, eyes wide with horror, or perhaps it was wonder that her not so ideal adventure was working out in some ways after all.

"If you are thinking that it is several large dogs, most likely starved nearly to death, then I think you would be right," Malfoy said flatly, stepping away from the wall and gingerly placing his ear against it.

"Oh," was all that Ginny could manage, her heart nearly overflowing with happiness. Now all they needed was a fire that roared around them and a battle with swords. She quivered at the mere thought.

There was a banging on the door and Malfoy leapt away, looking as though he had definitely not been expecting that. Ginny had gasped in surprise as well, clutching at her chest. But then really, who expects things to go barreling into doors while you have your ear pressed against them. Well, I suppose an audience encouraged by creepy/suspenseful music would, but Ginny and Draco had no such helpful music to aid them.

"Perhaps the drain pipes are a good idea," the blond said, his voice sounding a touch higher than it usually was.

All Ginny could do was grin at him like the Cheshire cat. She knew that all her practice in climbing trees would come in useful some day. Her heart began to pound at the thought of it. This was turning out to be a real adventure now, despite the discrepancies. First they were kidnapped and now they had to sneak out, steal their wands back from under the noses of their captors and ride off into the sunset. She had a feeling that she was missing something in there, something important, but she would deal with that when she came to it.

Ginny nodded in agreement, and watched as the blond walked over to the nearest window and pulled it open. He stuck his head out, looking around then leant back and began to lift his foot over the ledge. Then something occurred to her that hadn't occurred to her before.

"Oh no you don't, Malfoy," she hissed, hurrying over to him and stopping him from leaving the window sill. "You are not going to go first so that you can look up my skirt!"

"Like I'd want to," he hissed back, but he pulled out of the window sill anyways. "It's not my fault that you can't dress properly, Weasley. Though I suppose I shouldn't say such things because that scrap of material was probably all you could afford, wasn't it?"

Ginny gave the blond the middle finger. She had had to save her money for a long time to buy this skirt. It wasn't very well her fault that it was in fashion at the time. But then what did Malfoy know? His idea of good fashion was Gap clothing. She knew she was just being bitter because she could never dream of shopping in that store. She would have to save forever just to buy a two piece outfit, let alone a summer dress.

The blond simply sneered back at her and she turned and glanced out the window. There was a convenient ledge a foot below the sill that was wide enough for her to stand on, keeping her from falling the six stories to the ground. From there she could shuffle her way across the foot's distance while still holding onto the window sill until she could latch onto the drainpipe.

With a little breath she began to work her way out, holding onto the windowsill with all her might. She had never realized exactly how intimidating it was to walk along the ledge of a building like she was now, the ground looking so far off. Not that she was walking at the moment, more just standing there and looking down. It was far more intimidating than sitting on a broomstick, and was it just her or was it windier as well?

"Don't look down Weasley," Malfoy called from behind her, and she could hear him snickering. She frowned then took a shuffled sidestep towards the drainpipe, reaching out for it with her right hand while holding onto the window frame with her left and all of her strength. Now she began to realize exactly why Neo was scared shitless of walking across the window sill as she was. But then, Leeloo could do it, so she could too.

With a final deep breath, she latched onto the drainpipe and clutched onto it was both hands. It felt oddly comforting. But then, anything that could fight against the feeling that you could be blown away by a great gust of wind should be comforting.

It was at this moment, as though someone in charge had a very sadistic sense of humour, that a gust of find blew at Ginny, causing her skirt to fly up, short as it was. Ginny let out a frustrated yelp, pushing it back down into place just as the blond's head poked out, probably to see if she had fallen or not.

Ginny glared at him as he began to snicker once more. Perhaps skirts really weren't practical to have adventures in after all...

ooo

A/N: Well, there you go. Have your homicidal tendencies gone away? No? Damn. Anyhoo, I really want to finish all of my HP stories so I can move onto other things that might get me a bit of money. Blah. Money... But yes, so if stories that seemed dead are suddenly being finished, do not be surprised...

Many thanks to: **Hplov4eva, Laiannon-fae-elf**(Glad you're so excited about this one. I love them too and I'm so excited that they're making a 4th one. How bout you?)**, shelly2, sabacat, Oracle10, MilleniumFalcon**(Love the name)**, Lallie**(Wigo! Wigo! Wigo! Is that how you spell that? I'm doing the movement part too... I go now...)**, storm079, StAlKaHoLiC**(Sniff)**, Queen of Night, Mo the Deatheater**(Your name rocks!)**, Jenn**(Oh, it will be finished. Eventually)**, orange-ad, readingfreak742, vixenfairy, Wander Aimlessly, kitti, Iced Faerie, Laura Riddle, EsmeeSqualor, grr-krissy-grrr**(Well, it was 14 before I actually got around to it...) and **Hyper Bee.**


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